Harry the arogant boy who lived
by Humnut
Summary: harrys being an ass... or is he. some random oneshot i did with a friend. featuring malfoy the amazing dancing monkey. please rr.


Disclaimer: I do not, nor ever have, own Harry Potter. That's J.K. Rowling's deal. So stop trying to pay me.

Harry had woken up on another glorious morning. He was well rested and ready for his day to begin.

"Ron! Shoe me!" suddenly Ron had jumped out of bed, gotten Harry's slippers and went to his bedside, slipping them on his feet. For his great behavior, Harry through him a treat.

As Ron scrabbled on the ground for his delicious candy, Harry said, "Neville, kiss ass at will."

"Your both an excellent leader and a handsome man," said Neville on que.

"Well, is my throne ready?" asked Harry dangerously.

"Yes sir," replied Neville. He clapped his hands and not three seconds later did four first years, in nothing but rags, carrying a large throne made of pure gold.

"And is my crown ready?"

"Yes sir," said Neville as he clapped his hands again, and another first year came out holding a crown of gold with rubies inlaid within it.

"IS THAT A SCUFF," screamed Harry as he saw the most miniscule scratch.

"I want it buffed and ready for use when I'm done in here or so help me god first year, I'll kill you."

The first year looked like he just crapped himself, so it probably explained the strange waddling he did as he scurried away.

So Harry had gotten into the shower to cool off. His head was throbbing from the amount he had shouted. He usually never had to use his voice as much in the morning, but all the headaches were about to change. For just then, Hermione, Ginny, Pansy and Luna had walked into his shower to help him clean up.

"Ah ladies, please come in and have your way with me…"

About thirty minutes later, and a sore rears 

Harry had gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed in his usual attire, His red and gold trimmed cape and his red and gold robes. As he had just finished putting on his final pieces of clothing, Neville hurried in with the crown.

"Neville, you have my crown in working order I see. Never let me find out you fucked up again or I'll have to kill another first year."

"Yes sir," said Neville as he bowed.

"Alright, it's time for my entrance walk to begin," Harry said as he climbed onto his throne. "Now, MARCH." The first years had lifted the throne and started the long walk down from the seventh floor.

Many feet below and several collapsed hearts later, the throne had gotten to the entrance of the Great Hall.

"Now march me inside servants, or I'll hurt you until no end."

Once inside the Great Hall, Harry had started to gorge himself on food as the rest of the school watched in disgust. Harry and Ron had managed to eat through all of the normal food without gaining a single pound.

"Sir," said a lone second year boy. "May I please have some food?"

The hall had gone completely silent. No one had ever dared interrupted Harry as he ate.

"TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM AND WHIP THE PISS OUT OF HIM!"

Other than the young vigilante trying to steal Harry's food, the morning was quite peaceful.

"Now for the entertainment. Come dancing monkey," said Harry in a loud carrying voice.

Just then, a side door to the Great Hall opened. What came out of it was Draco Malfoy in a vest and fez hat with a small can. Behind him was Neville carrying the leash attached to his neck.

"Now dance monkey, dance," yelled Harry in delight.

Draco had started to dance in circles as Neville turned the crank on a box playing 'pop goes the weasel'. Suddenly Harry had turned extremely angry and said, "DIE MONKEY DIE."

Out of nowhere, the killing curse came and hit Draco straight in the chest.

Just then, Draco started out of his sleep. He was drenched in sweat and was breathing heavily.

"It must have all been just a dream," said Draco lying back into his bed.

"Yes. Just a dream dancing monkey," said Harry, lying right next to Draco.

Draco got up from his bed and ran from his dormitory screaming. The shock of the dream that had just transpired had scared the shit out of him, literally. As he ran he could feel the warm drip of diahrriah running down his leg. His butt cheeks rubbing together uncomfortably.

Ron mumbled in his sleep, "Ha ha, Malfoy crapped his pants," and rolled over and went back to bed.

Author Notes- please r&r. I have to give credit to my friend, who randomly said a stupid comment and I turned it into a fan fic. Plus he helped me on some key parts of this oneshot. So please if you liked it, show it by a good review, if you hated it, then flame me. Please, I just like getting reviews.

Sincerely my own, Humnut


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